Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
