Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
