I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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