This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
