And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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