Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
