Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
