i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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