I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
