I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
