I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
