you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
