genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
