Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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