she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
