So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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