"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
