His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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