i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
