my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
