Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
well you can't waste a boner
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
