They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
