Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
