dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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