This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
