I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
