Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
