"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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