my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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