Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I believe in your delicious
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
