Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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