Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
