My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
pray to the hookup gods
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
