She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
