If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
