why didn't you poke me back
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
