Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
