she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
