i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
