gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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