The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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