Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
