she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We left the knife in your bed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
