I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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