Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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