I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
