I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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