this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
