Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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