i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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