Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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