She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
