If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
please come you make the beer taste better
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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