the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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