dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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