for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
