We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize