I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
