Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize