i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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