I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
