Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
