My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
