He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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