She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
