What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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