we're blogging at a bar
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
