im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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