oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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